Traveling Sola

“Are you traveling alone? Why?” “Where’s your husband?” “Why isn’t he with you?”… are some of the questions people keep asking me in the Philippines. They might as well be saying:”Where’s your owner? How come you’re not on leash?” The concept of a free unattached woman traveling by herself seems to be alien to them. They look puzzled when I say that I chose not to have children. I don’t even mention polyamory. I’ve experienced the same sentiments in Egypt, India and most third world countries. The traditional thinking is that the main purpose of a woman is to reproduce. If a woman chooses otherwise, then she’s not normal. Unfortunately “normal” comes from our human heritage of fear and scarcity. In a culture of love and abundance, everyone is free to choose their path and follow their bliss without any pressure or coersion. Every person is sovereign with full autonomy over their own body. This basic right is, unfortunately, still a foreign concept in most of the world. Hence a solo woman traveler is often seen as a disturbance to the calm stagnant waters of conformity and fear. In my long history of solo travel, I acquired habits that help me navigate potentially hostile attitudes. Here are some:
1. Posture and attitude: (all my dance students practice those from day one) Walk with confidence and pride. If needs be, put on your “don’t mess with me” attitude, otherwise, a confident smile works great. Pretend that you just aced a hard exam. If you believe for a second that you’re weak and need protection, you’ll attract energies to confirm your beliefs. Do NOT travel alone if that’s how you see yourself.
2. Humanize your interactions. Look people in the eye. Nod. Show interest and curiosity. Initiate a conversation, even if it’s just asking about the time. When you connect with another being on a human level, it’s hard for them to see you as a piece of meat. Someone makes you feel nervous? Go over and say ‘Hi’ and watch the nervousness dissolve instantaneously.
3. Own your Yeses and Nos. If you want something, don’t be shy to ask explicitly. Don’t drop hints expecting others to get you. Likewise, when you don’t want something, don’t be afraid to say no; a hundred times if needs be. Peddlers can give you a great practice. Look them in the eye and say no confidently, as many times as you need to make them go away. If your ‘no’ is weak, they’ll keep pushing.
4. Stare back. I was on a beach in India and a man kept looking at me. No matter what I did, he kept staring. I turned around, faced him and stared back. He immediately looked away and went about his business. Don’t be shy to assert your needs, otherwise, don’t be disappointed when people don’t get you.
5. Take a compliment. Don’t jump into stories if someone smiles at you. Smile back. Say thank you to a compliment and move on. Not everyone wants to jump in your pants. And those who do, cannot touch you without your “Hell Yes”. Trust yourself, because if you don’t, you cannot trust anyone else.
6. Ask the locals. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Even when you stick out, if you befriend and follow the locals, they will respect and protect you if needed.
7. Trust your instincts. If your gut feeling says no, listen to it. Sometimes our logical mind isn’t as smart as our intuition. Develop your intuition by feeling and taking care of your body, meditating and cultivating your higher self. Solo travel is a great way to do just that!
Happy trails!

Many moons ago when I was practicing karate.
Sunset in Siquijor Philippines.
Tree and Sky. Dumaguete, Philippines.
That ship has sailed…
Edible dildo 😀. Sticky sweet rice called “Budbud”.

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