Last December I realized that I spent most of 2020 in resistance. Resisting what is, fighting the inevitable realities, refusing to accept, feel and process pain. Dwelling on what could’ve, should’ve been if only… Until I couldn’t anymore. I made a conscious decision to stop resisting and practice surrender. To start accepting, feeling and letting go. To consciously choose trust and gratitude. I experience the same realities. The predominant culture of fear, mistrust, scarcity, hypocrisy, injustice and tyranny. I see loved ones suffering. I feel the contractions in my body. My muscles tense up. Knots in my stomach and throat. Tears well up in my eyes. My mind says “this is wrong! This shouldn’t be! This is totally fu¢kd up! I can’t believe this is happening…etc”. I close my eyes. Change the channel. I tell myself: “Trust. Gratitude. Everything is perfect as is. There’s higher wisdom in it all. Everyone has to go through their own journey. Mother Nature always prevails. She works in her own ways, which don’t conform to limited human understanding. Trust the process.” I breathe, cry, dance, move. Feel my body relax. Come back to trust and acceptance. All is well. All will be well. I’ve been through this process before. Everything changes and this too, shall pass. I think of times when things got so desperate then got resolved. Of the triumphs, joyful moments and the lessons that made me happier, wiser and more resilient. And now I really feel the trust and gratitude in my body. It changes from an intellectual idea to a visceral, limbic sensation in my muscles and organs. I imagine putting on a slippery Aura. Negative emotions slide down to mother Earth. She transforms them into healing elixirs, just like she does with plants. Everything happens for a reason. Everything changes. I focus on what I can do instead of what I can’t. Eg. focus on studying Spanish instead of lamenting that I can't go to Spain. Resistance didn’t serve me. It only made me sick.
