May 3, 2017: One way flight to Costa Rica…
May 3, 2018: A year ago today I embarked on an open ended journey into the unknown. Motivated by the painful series of losses of loved ones in 2016, I felt a very strong need to leave California. After losing Semsem*, my Mom, feeling betrayed by Egypt**, losing Keesha*, Zuzu* then finally my car***, I got the message. This lead me to kill my baby, Halanda Studio after 11 wonderful years of building it from scratch and creating a beautiful community of dance and music around it. It was not an easy decision but since it was the only thing keeping me in California, with all the painful memories, I didn’t want to resent it. It had always been my labor of love and I couldn’t do it otherwise. After an amazing year on the road, I can say with confidence that I’m grateful for the pain. I feel that my beloved cats sent me on this journey. Nothing short of the intense sadness I experienced, would have made me leave California and the great life-by-design that I had created for myself. The very unlikely series of deaths left me in a confused state of “this shouldn’t be”, “how can this happen?” and a lot of unanswerable questions. I realized that the source of my pain was not the fact that my beloveds died, but my unhealthy attachments to how things should and shouldn’t be. A long time ago, I realized that my attachment to Keesha was unhealthy so I got Semsem as an insurance in case anything happened to Keesha. As fate would have it, Semsem was the first to go. As if a reminder that I’m not in control here. My salvation, as I saw it, was to take to the road where the only thing that matters is the here and now. No past, no future, just the present moment with all the magic that is possible. No schedules or plans, no obligations or responsibilities, no one to account to or for, just living life to the fullest in each present moment. Absolute freedom and flexibility! Letting go of control and going with the flow. Sure, I make plans but I’m not attached to them. They often change 10 times an hour, and that’s ok. Ultimately, what ends up happening, is the right plan. No worries or regrets. Where? What? How? Why? Till when?… It doesn’t matter. The journey IS the goal. Practicing non attachment and living in the moment. I cherish the good moments, carry them with me. I breathe through the bad moments knowing that they will pass.
When I was cleaning out old papers prior to my departure, I found a goal sheet I must’ve written when I was still working in the corporate world some 20 years earlier. It said “Have a dance studio and host music and dance events”. Check! Done!
May 3, 2025: 8 years later. Magic keeps unfolding…
* Keesha (11 years), Zuzu (9 years) and Semsem (4 years) were my 3 fur babies: beloved cats.
** In June 2016, the Egyptian state kidnapped my brother and took him in as a political prisoner.
*** In October 2016, I had a car accident and my car was totaled.
#travel #openendedjourney #worldtraveler #livinginthemoment #hereandnow #nonattachment #flow #goingwiththeflow #tantralife #worldtraveler
Unconditional Love 